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Valentine's Day
I was half intending to put these thoughts in a comment somewhere, but they didn't really fit.
I don't object to the idea of having a day when we celebrate love, even a day that's restricted to celebrating a particular type of love. Love is good and celebrating love is good. Sharing happiness with other people is good. Seeing other people happy is great.
My problems come more in the practical implementation of Valentine's Day in the UK:
- the judgemental bit about people being worth less and deserving of pity because they don't have a particular type of love in their lives on that particular day. The distinction between 'my partners and I are very happy, come and be happy with us' and 'my husband and boyfriend and companion are having a great time, oooh your poor thing, you haven't got anyone'.
- the commercialisation - it's not worse than any other commercialisation (ie. of Christmas or Easter), it just is; but in being there it adds to the judgemental bit by increasing pressure on people to conform to a couple of stereotypes...
- the pressure to conform to:
(1) being madly in love and doing something special for Valentine's Day. No, no matter if you normally go to yoga and your partner normally goes swimming on a Wednesday evening; you're supposed to cancel your plans and arrange to do something Special that night to conform. Failing to buy your partner a romantic (ie. lingerie, chocolates, flowers - not the things the individual would consider romantic) present is a sin punishable by the collective tutting of their workplace and is probably considered reasonable grounds for ending the relationship.
(2) being single and miserable because you aren't madly in love with someone. No, no matter if you're happily single; that's not allowed, you're supposed to be Miserable, oh perhaps you're OK if you've received some Valentine's cards from theroetically anonymous, but in practice identifiable admirers. Oh and it's a source of great shame to be single on Valentine's Day, so you must try to conceal that you're a (2) from all but your closest friends who'll commiserate with you and pity you while they go off for their Special nights as (1)s.
- the presumption that you're really (1) or (2) even when you make it clear that you're not.
- the expectation that people won't be genuinely upset/annoyed by anonymous cards and that those who claim to be are making a fuss because they won't get any cards and they don't want to openly fall into (2).
- the encouragement to be uncommunicative and leave people guessing what you mean. We'd do a lot more for love if we celebrated Valentine's Day by offering free classes in 'communication skills for relationships and for life'
I don't object to the idea of having a day when we celebrate love, even a day that's restricted to celebrating a particular type of love. Love is good and celebrating love is good. Sharing happiness with other people is good. Seeing other people happy is great.
My problems come more in the practical implementation of Valentine's Day in the UK:
- the judgemental bit about people being worth less and deserving of pity because they don't have a particular type of love in their lives on that particular day. The distinction between 'my partners and I are very happy, come and be happy with us' and 'my husband and boyfriend and companion are having a great time, oooh your poor thing, you haven't got anyone'.
- the commercialisation - it's not worse than any other commercialisation (ie. of Christmas or Easter), it just is; but in being there it adds to the judgemental bit by increasing pressure on people to conform to a couple of stereotypes...
- the pressure to conform to:
(1) being madly in love and doing something special for Valentine's Day. No, no matter if you normally go to yoga and your partner normally goes swimming on a Wednesday evening; you're supposed to cancel your plans and arrange to do something Special that night to conform. Failing to buy your partner a romantic (ie. lingerie, chocolates, flowers - not the things the individual would consider romantic) present is a sin punishable by the collective tutting of their workplace and is probably considered reasonable grounds for ending the relationship.
(2) being single and miserable because you aren't madly in love with someone. No, no matter if you're happily single; that's not allowed, you're supposed to be Miserable, oh perhaps you're OK if you've received some Valentine's cards from theroetically anonymous, but in practice identifiable admirers. Oh and it's a source of great shame to be single on Valentine's Day, so you must try to conceal that you're a (2) from all but your closest friends who'll commiserate with you and pity you while they go off for their Special nights as (1)s.
- the presumption that you're really (1) or (2) even when you make it clear that you're not.
- the expectation that people won't be genuinely upset/annoyed by anonymous cards and that those who claim to be are making a fuss because they won't get any cards and they don't want to openly fall into (2).
- the encouragement to be uncommunicative and leave people guessing what you mean. We'd do a lot more for love if we celebrated Valentine's Day by offering free classes in 'communication skills for relationships and for life'