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House party organising tips
I was asked to do this at the weekend, while hosting a house party - a postful of suggestions on how to have a successful house party.
1, Work out what sort of party you want to have first. Is it the kind where you drink lots and dance? Or a sex party? Or an afternoon tea party? etc. A good place to start is working out the features of parties you've attended and liked/disliked and how to go about creating similar things for yours. You don't have to do the same kinds of parties your friends do. I don't like dancing, but do like conversation, so I don't organise music-y, dancing parties - they're not my thing.
2, Set a date. Try not to clash with other friends who are trying to organise events/acquaintances organising big events. Assuming people have busy diaries and need to plan their time in advance is polite, so set the date a reasonable amount of time in advance (the amount of notice will depend on various things eg. the type of party it is, the numbers of people coming).
3, Invites. Invariably you'll end up inviting more people than will accept the invitation. My initial invite lists for weekend long house parties contain over one hundred people. I expect less than 1/10 to accept, but there are reasons to have big invite lists - connecting with old friends, making sure people aren't feeling left out (eg. friends you expect to be out of the country) etc. If you're organising a dinner party with sit down food, you'll probably have a much smaller invite list and expect 3/4 or so to accept. Your invites need to make clear what sort of a party it is - give potential guests enough information to manage their expectations of the event (you don't want people bringing along alcohol to your nice, quiet afternoon tea party, for instance). Work out how much space you've got and how many people will fit into that space comfortably (again, this varies on the type of party - dancing people need less space than chatting people). It takes a bit of guess work to get this right and even more guess work to invite enough people that you can be reasonably confident a sensible number will come. I normally ask for RSVPs so that if there was to be a party with 30 or so people wanting to attend I would be aware of it in advance and could split them up - 30 people = too many for my flat.
4, Remember though the Geek Social Fallacies - it is OK to exclude people from party invite lists (I've never done this). It's also OK to not invite people who've been pains in the neck at previous parties. I've yet to organise any party where I've invited work colleagues and friends for instance. It's OK to decide that you want to have a small party and restrict the invite list to people you know really well. It's bad form, IMO, to dangle snippets of information about parties in front of people who haven't been invited to them.
5, Consider your policy on guests bringing partners and other friends. If you're organising a mass event then you might not care who turns up and you might encourage guests to bring others with them. If you're organising a dinner party for six, it might well be invitee only, with the invite not extended to their partners. If you're organising a sex party, it might be other friends only with the agreement of everyone else who's attending. It's arguably unfair to say that guests can bring partners but not other friends, (ie. there are some single people/people with partners out of the country etc) but there's no requirement to be scrupulously fair in party organising. It's a reasonable assumption that people know people they consider 'partners' well enough to know whether they'll get on well with the other people coming to the party which might not be the case if someone wants to bring along five friends who know no one else to a relatively small party.
6, These days there are a lot of people about with special dietary needs. There are different ways of catering for this; you can say 'the food will be foo, if you can't eat foo, please bring your own' or you can say 'I can cater for special diets with notice'. I tend to keep food packets, even once I've decanted things into bowls so that if people appear with odd needs they can check the information for themselves. Have non-breakable bowls for decanting stuff.
7, Like your Mum used to say before you had childhood birthday parties; tidy away the toys you don't want your guests playing with before they arrive. If you're organising the kind of party where you're expecting drunk people tidy away everything they could break and serve food on plastic/paper plates.
8, Having a house full of people can feel intrusive in a 'eeek, there are people everywhere' way. This is more likely to be a problem with longer parties than shorter ones. Consider setting aside some space as your own private space so you can escape for a little while. Also consider how to politely get rid of guests who don't want to leave at the end of the party.
9, Minimise the potential for drama if appropriate. I've never had a problem with this - but I suspect the bigger a party gets and the more alcohol involved the more drama potential there is. Sort out 'we've had a really nasty break-up and we're both invited' scenarios in advance. I'd probably do this by making it clear that it was up to the people involved to choose how to sort it, but that drama during my party wouldn't be acceptable. Make sure there's non-alcoholic drinks available and (if an all night party) place for people to sleep.
10, Carrying on from the managing expectations point by making sure people know what sort of party it is in advance, make sure people are aware of the 'house rules'. Some of your internal house rules will probably be broken (ie. correct position of the toilet lid) but make sure people are aware of the important ones (not closing Firefox on someone's computer, not unplugging the fax machine, not smoking indoors, that certain space isn't open access). The rules & how you communicate them will vary depending on the type of party - a sex party might have explicit rules about where nakedness is allowed, a big dancey party might not have much in the way of explicit rules.
11, IME people appreciate creature comforts. Defining this is difficult and again it'll depend on the type of party. In some ways it's about being generally organised and getting the details right. I do it without really thinking about it. It's about having towels available for people to have showers and a bottle of shower gel than people can use, if you've got overnight guests. Provision of tea and coffee and biscuits, hot chocolate at bed time, spare bed linen, having basic condiments available including the ones that you don't normally use (ie. marmite, tomato ketchup, mayonnaise). Maybe the way to do this one is to think about parties you've been to and work out what you would really have liked by way of homely comforts (even if they're not things it'd be polite to ask for) at that sort of party. For me at a weekend long quiet chatty houseparty it's about somewhere comfortable to sleep, having food available when I'm hungry, plenty of coffee and hot chocolate.
If I were organising an alcohol-fueled party, it'd be about making sure there were nice non-alcoholic drinks for people who were driving or who wanted a break from alcohol or who just weren't drinking, that the place had been made drunk-people proof beforehand, there was food in non-breakable containers to mop up the alcohol, the place was kept as cool as possible (maybe with some fans), some space was kept quiet for chatting, I had cleaning materials to hand for sick people [note: it's IMO, very bad form to get so drunk you vomit at someone's party, but it happens and it's better to be prepared for it], that stuff gets tidied up (either as we go along or just before the last people fall asleep), that there's somewhere for early-risers to go without waking others, that there's both greasy and non greasy breakfast available, plus tea, coffee, fruit juice etc in the morning, and paracetamol about too.
If I were organising a sex party, it'd be about much of the above, plus appropriate lighting, piles of clean towels and sheets, spare safer-sex supplies, accessible cleaning materials and so on.
12, As a party host you presumably know the local area in a way your guests don't. Give as much info as you can on sensible travel plans. Making a general announcement 'you need to leave now to catch the last tube/train/bus' is probably a good move. People might ignore you, but they've been reminded the option is available. Have a list of good mini-cab companies available. Never dictate travel arrangements to people - I get very pissed off with people telling me not to walk alone to the nearest tube station or bus stop. The risk is mine to take, not anyone else's.
13, There is a skill involved in introducing guests who don't know one another. Again, this is something I can generally do without thinking about it too much. I normally know enough about the people I'm introducing that I have a glimmer of mutually interesting topics of conversation to suggest. Where I don't, I can generally seauge the conversation onto current affairs/politics/philosophy/religion where the majority of people have *something* to say. You need to watch out for groups of guests using terms others have never come across before and sometimes it's right to dive in and get someone to explain or define them. Pauses in conversation are OK - there's no need to jump in as soon as there's a pause. Shy people or those who just need a break from conversation may make good helpers in terms of cooking food/making tea/washing dishes etc. Sometimes conversations end up going round in circles or with people embedding themselves in intractably opposite positions - non subtle changes of topic can work here, as can suggesting food or another activity.
14, If you've said children are welcome, have some kid-friendly activities available or encourage parents to bring some. These don't need to be expensive - small children will be quite happy with pens and pencils to do some drawing, or some chocolate & cornflakes to make cakes. Simple board games can work well too. Somewhere for sleepy children to rest is a good idea too. Don't delegate all the childcare to the oldest 'child' - this is so not fair and will put that young person off attending parties for years. If practicable share the childcare round. Involve teenagers and older children in the adult conversation, possibly in separate conversations from the ones their parents are in. It's good practice for them and if it works will leave them feeling valued for themselves.
15, Unless you're doing something like a very formal dinner party, when you actively want to keep your guests out of the kitchen because they'll be in the way, it's usually a good move to encourage people to help themselves to drinks and possibly food (ie. 'don't eat the stuff on the bottom shelf of the fridge, that's for dinner, but take anything else you like the look of'). 'Helpless' guests who feel they have to ask for every drink or biscuit are hard work and unless there's some reason for doing things otherwise, you probably don't want to exhaust yourself by waiting hand and foot on your guests.
16, It's OK to delegate to trusted guests. The sort of delegation you do will depend on the type of party it is ie. at a big music-y party, you might have a series of people to DJ, at a party with drugs you might have a delegated non-drug-taking person, I tend to delegate breakfast frying 'cos I so rarely cook fried breakfasts.
17, Be careful with the number of choices you offer. Offering people too many choices leads to indecisive faffing. It's OK to say 'Would you like a or b' and wait for someone to say 'I don't like a or b' before offering c.
18, Even if it's formal or fancy dress, pick something comfortable for yourself. You will be doing guest-greeting and some quantity of 'work' that'll be easier to do if not in a corset and long skirt. Allow yourself enough prep time before your guests arrive so you're not frazzled (or warn the first guests that they'll be given jobs to do).
19, Enjoy! Parties are supposed to be fun. Of course, if you're not feeling like you're enjoying yourself you're entitled to feel that way (yes: it's *my* party, I'll cry if I want to), but it's worthwhile thinking about why you're not having fun, so that the next time you organise a party you have a better chance of creating an event you'll enjoy. Is it the wrong kind of party for you? Has there been Drama? Too much work?
OK, that's pretty comprehensive - any questions? Anything you'd like me to explain again? Anything I've missed?
1, Work out what sort of party you want to have first. Is it the kind where you drink lots and dance? Or a sex party? Or an afternoon tea party? etc. A good place to start is working out the features of parties you've attended and liked/disliked and how to go about creating similar things for yours. You don't have to do the same kinds of parties your friends do. I don't like dancing, but do like conversation, so I don't organise music-y, dancing parties - they're not my thing.
2, Set a date. Try not to clash with other friends who are trying to organise events/acquaintances organising big events. Assuming people have busy diaries and need to plan their time in advance is polite, so set the date a reasonable amount of time in advance (the amount of notice will depend on various things eg. the type of party it is, the numbers of people coming).
3, Invites. Invariably you'll end up inviting more people than will accept the invitation. My initial invite lists for weekend long house parties contain over one hundred people. I expect less than 1/10 to accept, but there are reasons to have big invite lists - connecting with old friends, making sure people aren't feeling left out (eg. friends you expect to be out of the country) etc. If you're organising a dinner party with sit down food, you'll probably have a much smaller invite list and expect 3/4 or so to accept. Your invites need to make clear what sort of a party it is - give potential guests enough information to manage their expectations of the event (you don't want people bringing along alcohol to your nice, quiet afternoon tea party, for instance). Work out how much space you've got and how many people will fit into that space comfortably (again, this varies on the type of party - dancing people need less space than chatting people). It takes a bit of guess work to get this right and even more guess work to invite enough people that you can be reasonably confident a sensible number will come. I normally ask for RSVPs so that if there was to be a party with 30 or so people wanting to attend I would be aware of it in advance and could split them up - 30 people = too many for my flat.
4, Remember though the Geek Social Fallacies - it is OK to exclude people from party invite lists (I've never done this). It's also OK to not invite people who've been pains in the neck at previous parties. I've yet to organise any party where I've invited work colleagues and friends for instance. It's OK to decide that you want to have a small party and restrict the invite list to people you know really well. It's bad form, IMO, to dangle snippets of information about parties in front of people who haven't been invited to them.
5, Consider your policy on guests bringing partners and other friends. If you're organising a mass event then you might not care who turns up and you might encourage guests to bring others with them. If you're organising a dinner party for six, it might well be invitee only, with the invite not extended to their partners. If you're organising a sex party, it might be other friends only with the agreement of everyone else who's attending. It's arguably unfair to say that guests can bring partners but not other friends, (ie. there are some single people/people with partners out of the country etc) but there's no requirement to be scrupulously fair in party organising. It's a reasonable assumption that people know people they consider 'partners' well enough to know whether they'll get on well with the other people coming to the party which might not be the case if someone wants to bring along five friends who know no one else to a relatively small party.
6, These days there are a lot of people about with special dietary needs. There are different ways of catering for this; you can say 'the food will be foo, if you can't eat foo, please bring your own' or you can say 'I can cater for special diets with notice'. I tend to keep food packets, even once I've decanted things into bowls so that if people appear with odd needs they can check the information for themselves. Have non-breakable bowls for decanting stuff.
7, Like your Mum used to say before you had childhood birthday parties; tidy away the toys you don't want your guests playing with before they arrive. If you're organising the kind of party where you're expecting drunk people tidy away everything they could break and serve food on plastic/paper plates.
8, Having a house full of people can feel intrusive in a 'eeek, there are people everywhere' way. This is more likely to be a problem with longer parties than shorter ones. Consider setting aside some space as your own private space so you can escape for a little while. Also consider how to politely get rid of guests who don't want to leave at the end of the party.
9, Minimise the potential for drama if appropriate. I've never had a problem with this - but I suspect the bigger a party gets and the more alcohol involved the more drama potential there is. Sort out 'we've had a really nasty break-up and we're both invited' scenarios in advance. I'd probably do this by making it clear that it was up to the people involved to choose how to sort it, but that drama during my party wouldn't be acceptable. Make sure there's non-alcoholic drinks available and (if an all night party) place for people to sleep.
10, Carrying on from the managing expectations point by making sure people know what sort of party it is in advance, make sure people are aware of the 'house rules'. Some of your internal house rules will probably be broken (ie. correct position of the toilet lid) but make sure people are aware of the important ones (not closing Firefox on someone's computer, not unplugging the fax machine, not smoking indoors, that certain space isn't open access). The rules & how you communicate them will vary depending on the type of party - a sex party might have explicit rules about where nakedness is allowed, a big dancey party might not have much in the way of explicit rules.
11, IME people appreciate creature comforts. Defining this is difficult and again it'll depend on the type of party. In some ways it's about being generally organised and getting the details right. I do it without really thinking about it. It's about having towels available for people to have showers and a bottle of shower gel than people can use, if you've got overnight guests. Provision of tea and coffee and biscuits, hot chocolate at bed time, spare bed linen, having basic condiments available including the ones that you don't normally use (ie. marmite, tomato ketchup, mayonnaise). Maybe the way to do this one is to think about parties you've been to and work out what you would really have liked by way of homely comforts (even if they're not things it'd be polite to ask for) at that sort of party. For me at a weekend long quiet chatty houseparty it's about somewhere comfortable to sleep, having food available when I'm hungry, plenty of coffee and hot chocolate.
If I were organising an alcohol-fueled party, it'd be about making sure there were nice non-alcoholic drinks for people who were driving or who wanted a break from alcohol or who just weren't drinking, that the place had been made drunk-people proof beforehand, there was food in non-breakable containers to mop up the alcohol, the place was kept as cool as possible (maybe with some fans), some space was kept quiet for chatting, I had cleaning materials to hand for sick people [note: it's IMO, very bad form to get so drunk you vomit at someone's party, but it happens and it's better to be prepared for it], that stuff gets tidied up (either as we go along or just before the last people fall asleep), that there's somewhere for early-risers to go without waking others, that there's both greasy and non greasy breakfast available, plus tea, coffee, fruit juice etc in the morning, and paracetamol about too.
If I were organising a sex party, it'd be about much of the above, plus appropriate lighting, piles of clean towels and sheets, spare safer-sex supplies, accessible cleaning materials and so on.
12, As a party host you presumably know the local area in a way your guests don't. Give as much info as you can on sensible travel plans. Making a general announcement 'you need to leave now to catch the last tube/train/bus' is probably a good move. People might ignore you, but they've been reminded the option is available. Have a list of good mini-cab companies available. Never dictate travel arrangements to people - I get very pissed off with people telling me not to walk alone to the nearest tube station or bus stop. The risk is mine to take, not anyone else's.
13, There is a skill involved in introducing guests who don't know one another. Again, this is something I can generally do without thinking about it too much. I normally know enough about the people I'm introducing that I have a glimmer of mutually interesting topics of conversation to suggest. Where I don't, I can generally seauge the conversation onto current affairs/politics/philosophy/religion where the majority of people have *something* to say. You need to watch out for groups of guests using terms others have never come across before and sometimes it's right to dive in and get someone to explain or define them. Pauses in conversation are OK - there's no need to jump in as soon as there's a pause. Shy people or those who just need a break from conversation may make good helpers in terms of cooking food/making tea/washing dishes etc. Sometimes conversations end up going round in circles or with people embedding themselves in intractably opposite positions - non subtle changes of topic can work here, as can suggesting food or another activity.
14, If you've said children are welcome, have some kid-friendly activities available or encourage parents to bring some. These don't need to be expensive - small children will be quite happy with pens and pencils to do some drawing, or some chocolate & cornflakes to make cakes. Simple board games can work well too. Somewhere for sleepy children to rest is a good idea too. Don't delegate all the childcare to the oldest 'child' - this is so not fair and will put that young person off attending parties for years. If practicable share the childcare round. Involve teenagers and older children in the adult conversation, possibly in separate conversations from the ones their parents are in. It's good practice for them and if it works will leave them feeling valued for themselves.
15, Unless you're doing something like a very formal dinner party, when you actively want to keep your guests out of the kitchen because they'll be in the way, it's usually a good move to encourage people to help themselves to drinks and possibly food (ie. 'don't eat the stuff on the bottom shelf of the fridge, that's for dinner, but take anything else you like the look of'). 'Helpless' guests who feel they have to ask for every drink or biscuit are hard work and unless there's some reason for doing things otherwise, you probably don't want to exhaust yourself by waiting hand and foot on your guests.
16, It's OK to delegate to trusted guests. The sort of delegation you do will depend on the type of party it is ie. at a big music-y party, you might have a series of people to DJ, at a party with drugs you might have a delegated non-drug-taking person, I tend to delegate breakfast frying 'cos I so rarely cook fried breakfasts.
17, Be careful with the number of choices you offer. Offering people too many choices leads to indecisive faffing. It's OK to say 'Would you like a or b' and wait for someone to say 'I don't like a or b' before offering c.
18, Even if it's formal or fancy dress, pick something comfortable for yourself. You will be doing guest-greeting and some quantity of 'work' that'll be easier to do if not in a corset and long skirt. Allow yourself enough prep time before your guests arrive so you're not frazzled (or warn the first guests that they'll be given jobs to do).
19, Enjoy! Parties are supposed to be fun. Of course, if you're not feeling like you're enjoying yourself you're entitled to feel that way (yes: it's *my* party, I'll cry if I want to), but it's worthwhile thinking about why you're not having fun, so that the next time you organise a party you have a better chance of creating an event you'll enjoy. Is it the wrong kind of party for you? Has there been Drama? Too much work?
OK, that's pretty comprehensive - any questions? Anything you'd like me to explain again? Anything I've missed?