Valentine's Day

[karen2205]

I was half intending to put these thoughts in a comment somewhere, but they didn't really fit.



I don't object to the idea of having a day when we celebrate love, even a day that's restricted to celebrating a particular type of love. Love is good and celebrating love is good. Sharing happiness with other people is good. Seeing other people happy is great.

My problems come more in the practical implementation of Valentine's Day in the UK:

- the judgemental bit about people being worth less and deserving of pity because they don't have a particular type of love in their lives on that particular day. The distinction between 'my partners and I are very happy, come and be happy with us' and 'my husband and boyfriend and companion are having a great time, oooh your poor thing, you haven't got anyone'.

- the commercialisation - it's not worse than any other commercialisation (ie. of Christmas or Easter), it just is; but in being there it adds to the judgemental bit by increasing pressure on people to conform to a couple of stereotypes...

- the pressure to conform to:
(1) being madly in love and doing something special for Valentine's Day. No, no matter if you normally go to yoga and your partner normally goes swimming on a Wednesday evening; you're supposed to cancel your plans and arrange to do something Special that night to conform. Failing to buy your partner a romantic (ie. lingerie, chocolates, flowers - not the things the individual would consider romantic) present is a sin punishable by the collective tutting of their workplace and is probably considered reasonable grounds for ending the relationship.
(2) being single and miserable because you aren't madly in love with someone. No, no matter if you're happily single; that's not allowed, you're supposed to be Miserable, oh perhaps you're OK if you've received some Valentine's cards from theroetically anonymous, but in practice identifiable admirers. Oh and it's a source of great shame to be single on Valentine's Day, so you must try to conceal that you're a (2) from all but your closest friends who'll commiserate with you and pity you while they go off for their Special nights as (1)s.

- the presumption that you're really (1) or (2) even when you make it clear that you're not.

- the expectation that people won't be genuinely upset/annoyed by anonymous cards and that those who claim to be are making a fuss because they won't get any cards and they don't want to openly fall into (2).

- the encouragement to be uncommunicative and leave people guessing what you mean. We'd do a lot more for love if we celebrated Valentine's Day by offering free classes in 'communication skills for relationships and for life'

Comments

[ceb.livejournal.com]

uncommunicative> YES. If you can't bring yourself to say something as straightforward as 'I like you, do you like me?' then none of the more complicated communication is going to work.

[msdemmie.livejournal.com]

As far as I am concerend you should be able to tell someone they love them when you like - not just on Valentines Day itself. Personally I make sure the people in my life know they are are loved at all times of the year - and not because someone else has decreed I should.

[aendr.livejournal.com]

I actively disagree with Valentine's Day because of the judgemental parts and the hype and because I want to celebrate being in love with my partner as and when *we* decide to.

This means I get flowers at some other time of year, when they are not sky rocketed up in price by being close to Christmas, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day or any other excuse for extra profits.

[kht.livejournal.com]

Yes, sometimes I find the pressure to conform irritating too. I try to celebrate in a not-terribly-commercialised way (i.e. cooking dinner instead of going out, making cards/buying blank ones, avoiding anything pink or fluffy or heart-shaped). I wonder what proportion of the people who celebrate Valentine's Day do so because they're afraid of upsetting their significant others, rather than because they really want to?

[barakta]

I don't DO V day, mainly for the reasons above.

I also have nice memories of school where people sent me joke cards to watch my reaction and snigger at me, or say really awful things. I can't say it didn't hurt and damage my self esteem for a long time. I could really have done without it.

[rougeforever.livejournal.com]

I love valentine's day :) I love all the extra love and heart-shaped things and everything. Having said that, we don't buy presents, and I don't get flowers and we don't eat out on that night. We do that stuff for the rest of the year, and I resent the extra 20% they charge for valentine's stuff.

[conductrixvitae.livejournal.com]

Ok two things
1. I'm going out with friends that night ahving all 3 of us decided that we are single and happy so we're going to celebrate that rather than conforming to (2) above.
2. I recently finished reading The Jane Austen Guide to Dating. Not something I would have chosen for myself but it was a Christmas present and a surprisingly refreshing read. The number one rule in that book is "If you like someone, let them know that you like them". Why the hell do we waste so much time playing the stupid "I like you but i can't let you know because then you might like me/not like me/be indifferent and that'd be the end of the world!"

For goodness sake people, just communicate! How else is anyone supposed to know how you feel?

[ewtikins.livejournal.com]

I don't like any of those things, so I try to make it clear that if I want to get Valentine's gifts for people it's because I feel like it, and that if I want to receive cards/gifts/whatever, some other day is just as good. I also don't tend to get romantic gifts just because they are romantic; I might buy silk lingerie for myself just because it happens to be available, but I don't really go in for cut flowers (ethical concerns) or heart-shaped cards. I guess the exception is that I might make special, heart-shaped food sometimes.

I don't have a problem with putting aside some time each year to focus on my feelings for romantic partners any more than I ahve a problem with putting aside some time of year for looking at my goals and aspirations and making resolutions about them; I don't fault anyone else for not doing it, I wouldn't force it on anyone, but it's something that I do. I try not to be too in-your-face about it but I mostly keep it pretty quiet; I've mentioned it in three different posts, yes, but most people mention Christmas more than that.

I don't like feeling like I have to defend myself and my practices and interpretations from all the "Oh, V-day is all commercialised and crap and silly and nonsense and hurtful" people, though. (And no, your post didn't make me feel like that - you are saying what you object to about it, not saying that there are no good things or that nobody should take part even if they want to.)